Wherever You Are

Heather Morgan, wherever you are, leave me alone.  I get your collection calls, your collection letters and, apparently, calls from your landlord.  I walked into an Office Depot, gave them my phone number, and your name came up with an address in a city 3 hours from me.

You're making my life miserable.  Not only does my phone ring incessantly, I've had to file 2 fraud alerts with the major credit bureaus.  That means that, if I want access to credit, getting it will be slower and more complicated.  If I can get it at all.

Quit using my phone number and address.  I don't want your Harry & David catalogs any more than I want your collection calls.  Just stop it.

Leave me alone.

I won't appeal to your better nature, because, apparently, you don't have one.  I won't appeal to any aspect of morality, because you are obviously amoral.  I won't appeal to your sense of justice, because you don't seem to understand the concept.

I will tell you, however, that if I can ever figure out where you are, I'll press charges of fraud and identity theft, both felonies.  You have used my personal information fraudulently, and I have been living with that for several years.  And I'm pissed.

A word to the wise:  never piss off an old queen.  We hold grudges and defined the word "vindictive".  If I ever find you, I'll have you for breakfast, lunch, dinner and a late-night snack.  Perhaps with a glass of Chianti and some fava beans.

Then I'll see that your sorry ass ends up in jail.

You have fair warning.  As if anything about this has been fair.