"Other" Wise

In case you missed it, the world shifted Sunday night. It’s not the same one I woke up in. In a moment that rose almost to the level of Stonewall Inn pushing the cause of equal treatment, regardless of sexual orientation, a young man impetuously kissed a male keyboard player on live national TV.

And not just a peck on the lips. It was a tongue-meets-tongue and then have fun kiss.

It was a sexually-charged component of a sexually-charged performance.

While some might think it was planned, I’m not sure it was. It reminded me of New Year’s Eve 2000.

I had gone downtown to see Lyle Lovett with my sister, and when he had finished, we made our way to where the light show was going to be. She got a little out in front of me, and as the clock rang in a new millennium, someone walked up from behind, grabbed my ass, said “I’d like some of that”, and kissed me like I was coming home from a war. Then he disappeared into the night.

I have no clue to this day who he was or why he groped me. He was cute enough that I didn’t mind being groped. I may have even returned the favor. I probably did, but I can’t be sure. It happened too fast to remember details.

Adam Lambert is taking a huge risk. He’s betting that enough people won’t care with whom he sleeps. Some will, though, without a doubt. But he refuses to live unauthentically.

But I’m not sure how much that will hurt record sales. The people that won’t buy them because of his open sexual orientation probably wouldn’t have bought them, anyway. Those of us who are fans of glam rock from the 70’s don’t really care.

He can scream a lyric in a melodic way that must make Mick Jagger jealous. As well as Rod Stewart.

I wish him well. I pray that God protects him, because he’s probably already a target of bigoted cuckoos.

Living an authentic life is not always easy. Regardless of the progress our culture has made, it still overwhelmingly treats “gay” as “other”. An otherness that is acceptable as long there is no overt evidence of it.

I always end up back at “Animal Farm”: “Some animals are more equal than others.”

That seems to be the dominant cultural argument, and I applaud young Mr. Lambert for pushing the envelope, yet again. Until it gets pushed far enough, we will never have a fair and equitable society. Until then, I will not enjoy the full range of civil rights that most people I know take for granted.

I’m tired of being less equal, and if a guy kissing another one on live TV, tongue and all, helps advance the cause, I say go for it.

From all the hoo-hah, you’d think he had a “wardrobe malfunction” and shown everyone the finer details of his package. I’m sure the details are fine, but we didn’t get the chance to find out. He’s a big boy with big feet, so I’ll just let my imagination run wild.

It was no more a provocative one than many Madonna performances I’ve seen on live TV. But making “other” overt seems to have raised some hackles. It harkens back to “separate but equal”.

The fact that it was a male-male lip lock and tongue exchange didn’t help. The taboo on men doing that is infinitely greater than the one on women doing the exact same thing. They’ve been doing it for years on stage.

It’s accepted for a woman to grab her crotch suggestively, stroke it and then shove it into a dancer’s face. If a man does that, it’s considered almost pornographic. All the more so if the person who gets a face full of crotch is also a man.

An obvious double standard is in play. It’s okay to be a woman and do provocative performances. It’s even okay to do provocative performances with another woman. But throw a gay man in the mix, and all hell breaks loose.

That standard is patently unfair and utterly impossible to defend on any logical basis. Impossible, that is, unless you believe that some animals are more equal than others.

"A rose is a rose is a rose," said Gertrude Stein.

"Other is other is other," I say. But not because I want to. I say so because that is reality. I have no choice but to be "other".

I dream of a day when "other" has gone away. When that entire concept has been subsumed by a larger understanding and acceptance of people, then I will be as equal as anyone else.

I await that day with bated breath. I don't know if it will occur in my lifetime, but it might. Many people don't care about who you sleep with as long as you don't ask them about with whom they do the same. I can't deny progress on that front.

Still, inequities exist and are so common that most people don't even see them. And if they do, they don't understand why eliminating them is important.

I live in a world where people pay lip service to the principle of universal equality but who also dismiss the validity of a ten-year relationship. Since it's not sanctioned by the government, it just as well not exist.

And whether or not the powers that be realize, their decisions and policies perpetuate a culture that looks highly intolerant from the inside out.

Only because it is to a degree higher than they would want to admit.

They sweep "other" under the rug.

We are "other". And I am not happy.

I want equality across the board. In every way, shape and form. And now, not down the road.

I want simple things, like the ability to make medical decisions should one of us not be able to make them for himself.

Perhaps I shouldn't care so much, but I want think we deserve recognition of our status as a family. If that happens in this life time, I'd be surprised. Maybe my next incarnation will fare better.

I'll leave this challenge open: surprise me.