"Other" Wise

In case you missed it, the world shifted Sunday night. It’s not the same one I woke up in. In a moment that rose almost to the level of Stonewall Inn pushing the cause of equal treatment, regardless of sexual orientation, a young man impetuously kissed a male keyboard player on live national TV.

And not just a peck on the lips. It was a tongue-meets-tongue and then have fun kiss.

It was a sexually-charged component of a sexually-charged performance.

While some might think it was planned, I’m not sure it was. It reminded me of New Year’s Eve 2000.

I had gone downtown to see Lyle Lovett with my sister, and when he had finished, we made our way to where the light show was going to be. She got a little out in front of me, and as the clock rang in a new millennium, someone walked up from behind, grabbed my ass, said “I’d like some of that”, and kissed me like I was coming home from a war. Then he disappeared into the night.

I have no clue to this day who he was or why he groped me. He was cute enough that I didn’t mind being groped. I may have even returned the favor. I probably did, but I can’t be sure. It happened too fast to remember details.

Adam Lambert is taking a huge risk. He’s betting that enough people won’t care with whom he sleeps. Some will, though, without a doubt. But he refuses to live unauthentically.

But I’m not sure how much that will hurt record sales. The people that won’t buy them because of his open sexual orientation probably wouldn’t have bought them, anyway. Those of us who are fans of glam rock from the 70’s don’t really care.

He can scream a lyric in a melodic way that must make Mick Jagger jealous. As well as Rod Stewart.

I wish him well. I pray that God protects him, because he’s probably already a target of bigoted cuckoos.

Living an authentic life is not always easy. Regardless of the progress our culture has made, it still overwhelmingly treats “gay” as “other”. An otherness that is acceptable as long there is no overt evidence of it.

I always end up back at “Animal Farm”: “Some animals are more equal than others.”

That seems to be the dominant cultural argument, and I applaud young Mr. Lambert for pushing the envelope, yet again. Until it gets pushed far enough, we will never have a fair and equitable society. Until then, I will not enjoy the full range of civil rights that most people I know take for granted.

I’m tired of being less equal, and if a guy kissing another one on live TV, tongue and all, helps advance the cause, I say go for it.

From all the hoo-hah, you’d think he had a “wardrobe malfunction” and shown everyone the finer details of his package. I’m sure the details are fine, but we didn’t get the chance to find out. He’s a big boy with big feet, so I’ll just let my imagination run wild.

It was no more a provocative one than many Madonna performances I’ve seen on live TV. But making “other” overt seems to have raised some hackles. It harkens back to “separate but equal”.

The fact that it was a male-male lip lock and tongue exchange didn’t help. The taboo on men doing that is infinitely greater than the one on women doing the exact same thing. They’ve been doing it for years on stage.

It’s accepted for a woman to grab her crotch suggestively, stroke it and then shove it into a dancer’s face. If a man does that, it’s considered almost pornographic. All the more so if the person who gets a face full of crotch is also a man.

An obvious double standard is in play. It’s okay to be a woman and do provocative performances. It’s even okay to do provocative performances with another woman. But throw a gay man in the mix, and all hell breaks loose.

That standard is patently unfair and utterly impossible to defend on any logical basis. Impossible, that is, unless you believe that some animals are more equal than others.

"A rose is a rose is a rose," said Gertrude Stein.

"Other is other is other," I say. But not because I want to. I say so because that is reality. I have no choice but to be "other".

I dream of a day when "other" has gone away. When that entire concept has been subsumed by a larger understanding and acceptance of people, then I will be as equal as anyone else.

I await that day with bated breath. I don't know if it will occur in my lifetime, but it might. Many people don't care about who you sleep with as long as you don't ask them about with whom they do the same. I can't deny progress on that front.

Still, inequities exist and are so common that most people don't even see them. And if they do, they don't understand why eliminating them is important.

I live in a world where people pay lip service to the principle of universal equality but who also dismiss the validity of a ten-year relationship. Since it's not sanctioned by the government, it just as well not exist.

And whether or not the powers that be realize, their decisions and policies perpetuate a culture that looks highly intolerant from the inside out.

Only because it is to a degree higher than they would want to admit.

They sweep "other" under the rug.

We are "other". And I am not happy.

I want equality across the board. In every way, shape and form. And now, not down the road.

I want simple things, like the ability to make medical decisions should one of us not be able to make them for himself.

Perhaps I shouldn't care so much, but I want think we deserve recognition of our status as a family. If that happens in this life time, I'd be surprised. Maybe my next incarnation will fare better.

I'll leave this challenge open: surprise me.

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

Over the decades, the U.S. Congress has come to see itself as the arbiter of all issues, whether congressional hearings are a proper forum or not. For instance, what business exactly did Congress have investigating professional baseball? So far as I know, it’s not a federally-regulated industry. What public good was served, and if there was any, was it worth what the hearings cost?

One could argue that, because many steroids are considered controlled substances, there is a need for congressional oversight. But one could also point out that they are controlled substances because Congress gave them that distinction after another series of such hearings in the 80’s. In doing so, it acted against the advice of the AMA, the FDA and the DEA, among others.

The congress has a nasty habit of sticking its nose where it doesn’t belong. I’m not sure if this began with McCarthy and HUAC, but at least since then, the legislative branch has become little more than a hearing mill. Instead of debating and enacting or defeating legislation, it holds endless hearings that often amount to little more than an opportunity to publicly humiliate someone.

While I sometimes enjoy seeing powerful people being taken to task in a public forum, that seems to be the only purpose they serve. Our senators and representatives generally have all the information they need before the hearing, so the hearings do little to nothing to provide new information. They simply provide a platform for pompous politicians to appear relevant.

And some almost scream usurpation of power over other government entities.

Right now, it’s the Ft. Hood shootings. Some are clamoring for immediate hearings, even before the FBI and Defense Department can complete their investigations of the facts or review of policies that might prevent a similar future attack. They want to put the cart of the larger issue of possible systemic problems before the horse of professional investigators conducting a professional investigation and determining the facts of the case.

The congress, collectively, seems to have read too many Hardy Boys and/or Nancy Drew books. Or maybe they’ve seen too many episodes of “Murder She Wrote”. These shootings don’t need amateur sleuths poking their noses where they don’t belong. They need a thorough investigation, analysis and review by professionals. Professionals who are not running for re-election.

In Iran, North Korea and China, show-trials are par for the course. Sentences are determined before the trials begin. Congressional hearings aren’t far from that, often. Legislators, armed with all the information that they’ll be asking about, seek to either excoriate and humiliate or praise the witness. The outcome is predetermined.

At this point, the legislature is not a proper venue for investigating the Ft. Hood shootings. One cannot legislate sanity, and that seems to be a pivotal question in this case. As to how it happened, we should give the pro’s a chance to address the issue before we let the congress stick its big nose in.

I could probably answer all their questions based on my own experiences.

• Is it possible to distinguish mental illness from political, religious or ethnic zealotry? Not always. Mental illness often takes one of those forms. It provides a footing, a kind of self-validation, that isn’t otherwise available.
• Can someone be outspoken and not have the likely potential to go “postal”? Yes. I’m mouthy, opinionated and passionate about what I believe, but I’ve never had the urge to pick up a gun and shoot people.
• Could or should someone have seen this coming? Not really. The shooter had never been violent before. Whether we want to believe it or not, we base expectations of future behavior on past behavior. His past behavior suggests, if anything, apathy. He was not a rigorous student, nor was he dedicated to his work.
• Should he have been removed from duty? Probably. Everything points to a recognition that he was an obvious liability. Although the Army needs doctors, it doesn’t need every particular one.
• Was this attack premeditated? Most likely. One does not wake up, go to prayer, get a cup of coffee and then start shooting without thinking about it before.
• Was he sane? I don’t know. Probably. But I suspect his defense will hinge on that issue. It’s possible he was having a psychotic bi-polar episode, which would qualify as insane. On the other hand, he could have been having a bad day and decided to take it out on other people. Not insane, just pissed off. His career wasn’t going well, and like many under-performing individuals, he probably blamed other people for his own lack of achievement.

In the end, the legislature needs to let the investigative bodies that it over-sees at least complete an investigation before it drags the whole matter into what would amount to a show-trial. I’m not sure what public good congressional hearings would hold at this point.

They would most likely be an exercise in futility that undermines the justice system. Instead of being tried in a court of law, he would be effectively tried in Congress. Futile, at best. A dog and pony show that presumes guilt and does not take into account the simple constitutional principle that a person is innocent until proven guilty.

I suspect that he will the first person executed by the military since 1969, but I’d rather leave that in military hands. For now, so should Congress.

Senses and Sensibility

The very best food satisfies 3 senses: smell, vision and taste.

Of them, taste is second only to smell in its ability to evoke memories and provoke feelings. The two are inextricably linked. Taste has as much to do with smell as the flavor taste buds detect. And any good dish requires both those elements.

Presentation matters, also. If it doesn't look good, it won't taste good. Our brain plays tricks on us like that. But no matter how nice it looks, if it doesn't taste and smell good, it's waste of time.

For me, Thanksgiving and Christmas are as much about those smells and tastes as anything. When the holiday dinner is in the oven and I return from the inevitable last minute trip to the grocery to get what I forgot the last 3 times I was there, the smells overwhelm me.

I feel immediate peace. The aromas of a roasting turkey, sage dressing and boiling potatoes intermingling remind me that, yes, no matter how bad things are right now, they will be okay. That all life's complicated issues will work themselves out, and that, today, I have a feast.

It's the Scarlett O'Hara principle of time management: "after all, tomorrow is another day."

I have 3 or 4 favorite holiday dishes, but since I cook by touch and not by measure, all the measurements below are estimates. One of the joys of cooking is doing it to your own taste, so consider these to be guidelines only.

It's not baking, where your have to be more precise. That's why I don't bake.

Easy Cranberry Relish
This one I stole from my mother, but, as I told her, what good's a mama if you can't steal her recipes.

Ingredients:
1 can whole-berry cranberry sauce
1 cup raw celery, sliced or diced (at your discretion)
1 Granny Smith apple cored and cut into small chunks (leave the skin on or peel it, again at your discretion)
3/4 cup roasted pecans (I like them chopped and reserve a few halves for garnish)

Directions:
Roast the pecans. I like to use a little butter in a cast iron skillet under medium heat in the oven. If the pan smokes, it's too hot. Just turn it down and roast until semi-crisp.

Then throw everything into a bowl and stir.

It helps to make this ahead of time and refrigerate overnight. The flavors meld better.

For a quick and easy topping, use equal parts of cream cheese, whipping cream and sour cream. Mix them until they achieve a uniform consistency. It should be smooth but stiff.

I don't make the topping any more because of a horrible dairy allergy. (You don't need to know the gory details.) But you can enjoy.

Holiday Fruit Salad
This one can be adapted for almost any season. For the Fall/Winter holidays, I like to use traditional spices to give it darker, richer tones. And you can put whatever fruit you want in it. The only constant is the mixture of citrus and honey. This is my favorite variation.

Ingredients:
1 small to medium cantaloupe, cubed (the riper the better)
1 can pineapple chunks
2 peaches (if you can find them and they're good), peeled and cubed
2 Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored and cut into chunks
1 can mandarin oranges
1 cup each of white and purple grapes cut in half (they absorb the flavors better if they're cut)
1 mango cut into chunks
1 cup sun-dried cherries
1-2 cup honey
juice of 2 oranges, 1 lemon and 2 small limes
cinnamon to taste
nutmeg to taste
clove powder to taste

Directions:
Prepare the fruit that isn't canned. Toss it into a large bowl and add the canned fruit, including the juices. Immediately pour the citrus juices over it to keep some of the ingredients from discoloring. Then, pour the honey over it. Put in enough to achieve a consistency in the liquid that you like.

Season with nutmeg, cinnamon, clove powder to taste. I like a strong clove presence because of the contrast between its flavor and the acidity of the citrus and the sweetness of the honey. A little clove powder goes a long way, as does nutmeg, though, so be cautious. Season, then taste, and tweak the flavors to achieve what you want.

I like to serve it as an appetizer in antique champagne glasses I picked up for almost nothing a few years ago. (I love thrift stores.)

Again, it's best to make it the day before and let sit in the fridge overnight.

Christmas Duck
Duck is a much-maligned meat in this country. But that's because most people don't cook it properly. Well-prepared, it can transform from gamey and greasy to the sublime. It's one of my very favorite Christmas dishes.

I stole the idea from a chef I worked with many years ago and the method from a PBS cooking show.

Ingredients:
1 duck (obviously)
1 medium to small white onion (don't substitute yellow or red)
3-5 cloves
1 stick of butter (don't even think about using margarine)
juice from 2 oranges
1 cups honey
salt to taste (I prefer sea salt)
freshly cracked pepper (If you don't have a pepper grinder, go get one this minute. The difference in flavor between freshly ground and the other kind is nothing short of a religious experience.)

Directions:
Mix the honey and orange.

Soften the butter and then rub it into the bird. Don't be afraid to use your hands. Cooking is, and should be, a very tactile experience. Just wash your hands first.

Poke the cloves into the onion and insert it into the duck's cavity. Cover with tin foil (make a tent), and place it on a wire rack on top of a shallow baking pan.

Throw it into a preheated over (400 degrees or so), and let it cook until a meat thermometer says it's almost done.

Take the tent off and pour 1/3 of the honey and orange mixture over it every 15 minutes.

Let it cook until the skin is a crispy brown.

To make a good sauce for it, take a little of the drippings from the pan, add some red wine (I prefer a decent merlot or cabernet), finely diced white onions (a half a cup or so) and sun dried cherries. You can also use veggie or mushroom stock instead of wine. The wine is better, but a hearty stock will suffice.

Throw your chosen ingredients into a heavy-bottomed skillet with a couple of pats of butter and reduce until it coats a spoon.

Let the bird rest for at least 15 minutes before serving. That's about how long it takes to make the sauce.

With duck, I advise keeping the number of flavors in play to a minimum. You will want to elicit the natural flavor without overpowering it.

If you want to make a statement, do it with the sauce.

Sage Portabellas: a Vegetarian Alternative
We have a vegetarian friend who has Parkinson's and whose only real family is a daughter in Houston. His wife, Molly, died many years ago, and his daughter comes up when she can. He doesn't have the physical ability to do much in the kitchen, and I'm sure the last thing on his daughter's mind after the drive is shopping and cooking.

They're going to spend Thanksgiving with us, so I will cook a parallel meal for John. If you've ever had to make a vegetarian Thanksgiving meal that still tastes like Thanksgiving, you will appreciate the creativity necessary to pull that off without resorting to a tofu loaf.

Stuffed Portabellas are nothing new, but making them taste like Thanksgiving isn't as hard as you might think.

Ingredients:
Four Portabellas with stems attached
Veggie or mushroom stock
1 cup diced celery
1 cup diced onion
3 hard-boiled eggs
2 tbls butter (margarine won't work)
2 cups crumbled cornbread
Fresh sage, julienned, to taste
Salt, to taste
Pepper, to taste

Directions:
Make cornbread. I use a mix from Sun Harvest. I usually make it the night before and let it sit out. That way, it has to time to lose enough moisture to crumble nicely, but not so much that it could be used to pave a road with.

Remove the stems from the mushrooms and wash the heads and stems. Dice the stems into fairly small pieces. Chop the eggs into random small pieces.

Pour about 3 cups of the stock into a medium size heavy-bottomed saucepan. Add 1/3 of the celery, onion, mushroom stems, eggs and some sage. Bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer and cover.

Take a nap. It'll be a while before it's done.

When you wake up, add the remaining ingredients to the crumbled cornbread. Mix it well with your hands (if they're clean, they're your best mixing tool). Ladle enough of the stock over it to give the mixture a soft consistency.

Spoon the cornbread mixture onto the mushrooms' bottom side. Place in a pre-heated 350-400 degree oven on a baking sheet, stuffing side up.

They only need to cook 15-20 minutes, so time things well. They can keep in a warm oven for a while, but don't overdo it. Otherwise, they come out dry.

While they're cooking, turn the heat up under the liquid in the saucepan and reduce it to a thin gravy. Once it's reduced by about 50%, toss in the butter. Reduce it by another 1/3 or so and take it off the heat.

I like to serve them with some of the gravy on top and a little drizzled around the sides.

In the End
These are just suggestions. Cooking is, and should be, a dynamic, creative process. It should challenge, but not intimidate. It should open your mind (and your palate) to the rich bounty we enjoy. It should feed the soul as much as it nourishes the body.

The first of these recipes I learned from my mother; the second two I developed myself, mostly by trial and error (many errors); and the last I adapted from my mother's methods.

I would love to tell you how to make her chocolate pie, because it's the best I've ever had. But since I don't bake, I've never really paid close attention to how she does it.

I don't cook very often these days, but when I do, I do so passionately. Since the time my grandmother pulled a chair up next to the stove when I was 5 or 6 and let me help her make salmon patties, I've known the true joy of cooking. It is the gift of being able to give something special, whether it's a simple side dish or a luscious duck.

Have fun with the guidelines. None of them are precise. Explore. Innovate. Create. Improve. Make them your own.

If they fail, they fail. That's how we learn. We often learn more from failure than success. Take risks.

That's why God made trash cans and garbage disposals. I've used them more than enough, believe me.

Above all, be ambitious and have fun. Find joy.

Let's Talk

Public discourse about things political and social has descended to the level of a school yard brawl, complete with accusations, misrepresentations, name-calling, button-pushing and down-right lies. The habits and tactics that define the contemporary conversations about these topics reduce exchanges to something less than conversation. Much less. Much, much less.

We have become a culture where rants pass for conversation. We talk a lot, but few listen to anything but the sound of their own voice and those that agree with them. Ideological polarization runs rampant and is condoned and even encouraged by our leaders.

I’m reminded of a passage from Macbeth, an apt description of what passes for public discourse today:

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

We have become the idiots, loud and furious, but amounting to nothing at the end of the day. One side yells and makes accusations. The other side yells back and makes its own accusations. But neither seek the truth.

Talk radio epitomizes this culture, as well it should. It’s largely responsible for it. I would suggest, however, renaming it “rant radio”.

That’s usually what the shows consist of: a host ranting, making unjustified or unsubstantiated and undocumentable accusations, whipping a radio audience into a lather. All that froth might be good if one is making meringue, but it does nothing to further civil discourse.

The rabble-rousing rant format has spilled over into cable TV and the internet. Someone picks up a rant and forwards it to everyone they know. Pretty soon, untruths and half-truths become urban myth.

The media that pays its bill by supplying the rant pipeline say “It’s just entertainment. It’s not news.” Even as they present the rants in formats that mimic news. They encourage them because they drive ratings.

Both ends of the spectrum are guilty. Guilty as sin.

We live in extraordinary times with extraordinary problems. Problems that we cannot solve by ranting at each other. The problems are too big to be reduced to political fodder. They are real problems that call for real solutions, and today, not tomorrow.

The media has a responsibility to report the news and label opinion as opinion and not try to pass it off as legitimate news. Nor should they hide behind the cover of “entertainment”. They shouldn’t have it both ways.

Until we have civil discourse, we will not be able to solve the big problems that need to be taken care of today because they didn’t get taken care of over the last 40 years.

It’s time.